Today I had the golden opportunity to watch the greatest comedy of our time - MacGuyver. You heard me, MacGuyver. Now you may be sitting there, thinking to yourself, "but MacGuyver was a poignant combination of stirring drama and thrilling action that touched my soul and changed my outlook on life!" But stick with me on this.

The particular episode of said brilliant comedy featured a young Mayam Bialik (or however you spell that) the precocious star of another classic show, Blossom. Little Blossom played a 12 year old alcoholic named Lisa who became involved with some shady characters who just happened to be involved in some sort of criminal scam.(*gasp*) So of course someone dies, and in order to save their skins, the shady characters have to find a way to keep the young Blossom-child from squealing, which naturally entails an attempt on her life.

But wouldn't you know it, good ol' MacGuyver is, as she puts it herself, Lisa's "best friend." So, with limited resources and a dream, MacGuyver of course rescues little Lisa and all is well.

Ok, so you may still be confused, thinking, "I followed your rendition of the plot and found myself more riveted than laughing uproariously. Where does the comedy come in?" And here I am to attempt to supply you with the chuckles I so joyously partook of.

First off, MacGuyver attempts to express some concerns about Lisa to her father. Father naturally gets defensive and tells MacGuyver to shut his big yapper. (No, not in those exact words. Although that would have just added to the comedy.) Lisa then enters the room in a huff wanting Father to get the Mommy Lady "off her back." Mommy Lady had of course been reprimanding the little brat and she just couldn't handle it. She then hears that MacGuyver has been telling her Father about her alcoholism, causing her to shout, "I hate you MacGuyver, I hate you!" and flail sobbing from the room.

Secondly, young Lisa meets her shady friends on the beach. They offer her a beer, which she refuses for MacGuyver's sake. (No one wants to be a disappointment to MacGuyver.) The shady friends persistently offer again, saying that no one has to know, and that it's not like she's going to get bombed off of one little beer. She then concedes, throwing out the time-honored-after-school-specialesque-alcoholic's response - "I can stop any time I want." Cut to the next shot and you have the young Blossom-child dancing spastically in a fashion that can only be related to toddlers jamming to "Barney's Dance Party".

And finally, the simple fact that this show was taken incredibly seriously back in the late 80s and early 90s. I myself was a little MacGuyver fan. But now, I just can't get past the sheer hilarity of it's self-imposed importance. Oh MacGuyver, you bring me such joy.

the night is nearly over † the day is almost here